I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
