I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
