you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
