miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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