Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
