is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
