My nipple is on Facebook.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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