i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
