singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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