Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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