Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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