I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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