I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
These tits shall not be calmed
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
