They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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