so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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