Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
