oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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