I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
