Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
