I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
