Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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