it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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