Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
