I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
