do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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