I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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