The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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