My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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