hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
