Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
