i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize