the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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