Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
