I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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