you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize