this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm both gender and math confused
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
