im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
