But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
