Rock
Scissors
Fuck
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
