3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i will never coherently bang her
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
