i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
