I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
