If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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