I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You're a waste of cheezeits
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
