I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
