True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
time to smoke my breakfast
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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