Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize