I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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