I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
