dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
