On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
