Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
