I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Congratulations! We have a period
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
