I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
