Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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