Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
