Are you still at the party or did I leave?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
