help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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