Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
