I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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