yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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