Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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