I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
