oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
