Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
