man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
