My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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