It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
