why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
