update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
