Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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