please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
